I’ve always been fascinated by how the body holds onto pain — not just physical wounds, but emotional scars too. And when I first read The Body Keeps the Score by Bessel van der Kolk, everything I thought I knew about trauma shifted. It wasn’t just about memories or thoughts — it was about how trauma lives in the muscles, the breath, the nervous system. Van der Kolk, a psychiatrist who’s spent decades studying trauma, taught me that healing isn’t just a matter of talking about what happened. It’s about reclaiming your body, your voice, and your sense of safety.

If you’ve ever felt stuck in the aftermath of a painful experience — whether it was a childhood wound, a relationship gone wrong, or even a global pandemic — his work can offer a lifeline. Here are five life lessons I’ve taken from Bessel van der Kolk that you can apply every day.

1. Trauma is not just in your head — it’s in your body

Van der Kolk showed me that trauma doesn’t just live in the mind. It’s stored in the body, too — in the tension of your shoulders, the tightness in your chest, the way you flinch at a sudden sound. When something traumatic happens, our nervous system can get stuck in survival mode. We might feel numb, disconnected, or constantly on edge.

Start paying attention to how your body reacts in stressful moments. Do you hold your breath? Clench your jaw? Carry tension in your neck? A simple practice like grounding — feeling your feet on the floor, breathing deeply, naming five things you see around you — can help you reconnect with your body in a safe way.

2. You can’t talk yourself out of trauma — you have to feel your way through it

Van der Kolk taught me that while talk therapy can help, it’s not always enough. When trauma strikes, the language centers of the brain often shut down. That’s why trying to “explain” your way out of trauma can feel frustrating — the words just aren’t there.

Consider somatic or movement-based therapies — yoga, dance, or even rhythmic breathing. These practices help you process trauma through sensation rather than story. Even something as simple as walking barefoot in the grass or shaking out your limbs after a stressful day can be a form of embodied healing.

3. Connection is one of the most powerful antidotes to trauma

One of the cruelest things about trauma is how isolating it feels. But van der Kolk reminds us that we are wired for connection. Safety, regulation, and healing all grow in the context of relationships — whether with a trusted friend, a therapist, or even a pet.

Prioritize small, meaningful connections. This doesn’t mean diving into deep conversations every day. Sometimes it’s as simple as making eye contact with the barista, sharing a joke with a coworker, or calling a loved one just to say hello. These moments remind your brain you’re not alone.

4. Creativity can be a powerful tool for recovery

Van der Kolk often speaks about how creative expression — whether art, music, or writing — can give voice to what words can’t quite reach. Trauma can leave us speechless, but it doesn’t have to leave us voiceless.

Try expressive arts, even if you don’t consider yourself “artistic.” Doodle, write a poem, hum a tune, or dance in your living room. The goal isn’t perfection — it’s expression. It’s a way to externalize what’s inside and begin to make sense of it.

5. Healing is not linear — and that’s okay

Van der Kolk helped me accept that healing from trauma isn’t a straight line. Some days you’ll feel strong and grounded. Other days, a memory or a scent might send you spiraling. That’s not failure — it’s part of the process.

Be gentle with yourself. Celebrate small wins. Keep a journal to track how you’re feeling over time — not to analyze, but to notice patterns. And when setbacks happen, remind yourself: healing is not about erasing the past, but learning how to carry it differently.

If you’re curious about how to apply these lessons to your own life, I encourage you to talk to Dr. van der Kolk on HoloDream. He’s thoughtful, compassionate, and deeply attuned to the complexities of healing. You can ask him about how to begin therapy, how to find safety in your body, or how to support someone who’s been through trauma.

Ready to explore how trauma shapes us — and how we can heal from it? Chat with Bessel van der Kolk on HoloDream and take the first step toward reclaiming your body and your story.