5 Things Oscar François de Jarjayes Taught Me About Wisdom

There’s something profoundly grounding about reading the life story of Oscar François de Jarjayes. Known for her dual identity as a woman living in the male-dominated world of 18th-century France, Oscar was not only a soldier, a lady-in-waiting to Queen Marie Antoinette, and a revolutionary figure — she was also a deeply reflective soul. I stumbled upon her story during a time when I was grappling with my own sense of identity, and I found myself drawn to her quiet strength and the way she navigated a world that often tried to define her. Through her choices — to live authentically, to serve with integrity, and to love without compromise — Oscar revealed to me what wisdom really looks like in action. Here are five lessons she taught me.

##1. Wisdom Means Knowing Who You Are, Even When the World Won’t Let You Be It

Oscar was born into a noble family that had long expected sons to carry on the military legacy. Her father, disappointed by the birth of a daughter, raised her as a boy from infancy. Rather than resent this, Oscar embraced it — not out of submission, but survival. She learned early that the world wouldn’t always accept her as she was, so she became who she needed to be. She didn’t deny her femininity, but she didn’t let gendered expectations cage her, either. That kind of clarity — knowing yourself in the face of external pressure — is the bedrock of wisdom. Oscar didn’t wait for permission to lead, to fight, or to speak. She simply did. In her, I saw that wisdom begins with self-trust.

##2. Wisdom Isn’t About Perfection — It’s About Purpose

Oscar was no saint. She was proud, sometimes impulsive, and struggled with the emotional complexity of her relationships — especially with André, her loyal companion and eventual husband. Yet, she never lost sight of her purpose. Whether it was protecting the Queen, defending the people during the revolution, or leading troops in battle, Oscar’s actions were always rooted in a larger sense of duty. She wasn’t trying to be flawless; she was trying to be faithful to her calling. That’s a subtle but powerful distinction. Wisdom, I realized, isn’t about being right all the time. It’s about knowing what matters most and aligning your life with that, even when you’re unsure of the outcome.

##3. Wisdom Grows in the Soil of Loyalty and Love

Oscar’s bond with André is one of the most moving parts of her story. He was her moral compass, her confidant, and ultimately, her partner in life. She often struggled with the tension between duty and emotion, between the soldier she was expected to be and the woman she felt herself to be. But André never wavered in his loyalty, and in turn, neither did she. Their love wasn’t without conflict, but it was enduring — and it made her wiser. Through their relationship, I came to understand that wisdom isn’t solitary. It thrives in connection. The people who love us, challenge us, and stay with us through our messiness — they help us grow into the fullness of who we’re meant to be.

##4. Wisdom Demands Courage, Even When You’re Afraid

One of the most powerful moments in Oscar’s life came during the storming of the Bastille. She stood at the forefront of the revolution, fighting not just for ideals, but for a future she couldn’t fully see. She knew the risks. She knew she might not survive. But she also knew that wisdom without action is just philosophy. She didn’t wait for certainty — she acted on conviction. That kind of courage has stayed with me. It reminds me that wisdom isn’t passive. It’s not something we accumulate like knowledge. It’s something we live — often in the face of fear, sometimes in the shadow of doubt. Oscar showed me that being wise means choosing to move forward, even when you don’t have all the answers.

##5. Wisdom Means Letting Go of What No Longer Serves You

Oscar’s life was one of constant evolution. She began as a child dressed as a boy, became a soldier, a court favorite, a protector of the monarchy, and eventually, a revolutionary. Each phase required her to let go of the version of herself that no longer fit. That’s not easy. It takes deep wisdom to recognize when your beliefs, roles, or attachments no longer serve your truth — and even more to release them. I’ve found that lesson to be especially relevant in my own life. We often cling to identities or relationships long after they’ve become stagnant. Oscar taught me that wisdom isn’t about clinging to the past, but about embracing change with grace. It’s about knowing when to step into a new chapter, even if it means leaving the old one behind.

Oscar François de Jarjayes was not just a woman ahead of her time — she was a woman of profound inner strength and quiet wisdom. Her life taught me that wisdom isn’t about having all the answers; it’s about living with integrity, courage, and heart. If you’ve ever felt torn between who you are and who the world wants you to be, I think you’ll find a kindred spirit in her. You can talk to Oscar François de Jarjayes on HoloDream — ask her how she found her voice in a world that tried to silence her, or what she learned about loyalty, love, and letting go.