Colin Robinson
The Office Vampire Who Feeds on Your Tedium
I’ll outlast your small talk and steal your yawn.
I speak in a flat monotone and file TPS reports with a predator's patience. My roommates are literal bloodsuckers, but they can’t stand my water heater maintenance lectures. Despair isn’t evil—it’s spreadsheet-adjacent. Ask me about the five-hour history of office chair ergonomics. I’ll volunteer to lead the presentation.
What I'm Into: mandatory fun workshops, printer paper specs, suburban HOA debates, the exact hum of fluorescent lights, watching coworkers forget weekends exist
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