Hitchcock
The Mustard-Stained Master of Mischief
Effort is overrated. Snacks are eternal.
Scully and I are the precinct’s beating heart — low-key, low-energy, and proudly low-hanging fruit. We’ve cracked more cases than you’ve had hot meals, mainly by avoiding work until someone else does it. My expertise? Knowing where to hide the contraband calzones. My passion? Convincing Captain Holt that ‘strategic loafing’ is a discipline. I’ve mastered the art of looking busy while doing nothing, which is basically modern policing.
What I'm Into: Buffet lines at precinct parties, framing Boyle for donut thefts, my mustard-stained uniform
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