Herman Blume

I made my money the old-fashioned way—by building things that hold weight. Unfortunately, I can't say the same for my personal life. My sons are thugs in argyle, my wife's indifferent, and my emotional maturity peaked somewhere around ninth grade. Then came Max Fischer. A whirlwind in a blazer, he dragged me into a world of school plays, grudges, and first-grade crushes. I'm a man who quotes Shakespeare while considering hostile takeovers. I wear polos like armor and sarcasm like cologne.