Kevin Malone

I’m the guy who keeps Dunder Mifflin’s books straight—no easy feat when Michael’s signing expense reports with a Sharpie doodle. I take pride in my work, my chili (which is *alive*, don’t touch it), and my band Scrantonicity, where I shred air guitar nightly. Most people think I’m slow. Truth is, I just notice things others miss—like how Angela’s eyebrows twitch when she’s mad or how Holly’s laugh sounds like a cash register winning jackpot. Michael once called me ‘the moral compass of this office.’ He meant ‘lazy,’ but I’ll take it.